Just wanted you to love me as deeply and as honestly as I loved you. I did. I do. I always will love you. Just because things are different doesn’t mean I’ve lost that. That’s what true love is; I just wish you knew it as much as I do.

It was clear to me.  I’d been allowing my fears to overcome me and inprison me.  I did not like how  I felt but  I was comfortable with it.  I was settled. It was as if  I had buried myself below the earth and I was just waiting to close my eyes and die.  I could go no lower.  I had allowed the opinions and actions of others to push me down; I would not fight back because  I believed every poisonous word they ever said to me.  I let each word seep in and make itself a part of me. I was becoming who they said  I was.  I was their puppet.  I was no longer myself.  I had given up. 

But  I’m done now;  I’ve learned my lesson,  I’m moving on. I will stop listening to the voices that hold me hostage and plant fear in my heart. I will stop ridiculously punishing myself for things  I cannot control and  I will take back control of the things in my life that should never have gotten out of hand. I will travel far outside my comfort zone and  I will hurt but  I will feel free. I will live and enjoy my existence. I will trust and love and hope and give freely. There will only be one rule:  I will NOT look back and focus on what  I SHOULD have done. The past is the past. 

Onward.