I will eat cake on my birthday in NYC this December. I will eat it without feeling guilty. I will eat it without visibly shaking, I will eat it without overthinking, I will eat it without cutting it up into minuscule pieces until it’s nothing but crumbs, will eat it like a normal, happy person on her birthday. I haven’t had something as scary as cake in more than a year. This will not be easy, but in the end it will be worth it because I will be surrounded by trustworthy, loving people who truly care about me and see only the good in me. The only way to move on is to MOVE. I am not this disorder, I am not these thoughts that plague my mind. I am not this emptiness. I am so much more than all of this bad. It’s high time I acknowledged the good in myself. It’s high time I smile and mean it.

December, be ready for me.

I will change for the better and I will feel proud of myself for doing so. It’s going to be an adventure; it won’t be easy to step outside my comfort zone, but it will be worth it. I have to try. This will be my Everest.